Passion breaths again

Beyond thought and time

The body, thought and emotion merge

Joining in the outpouring of desire

I thought this day would not come

And knew that it would

Where this conflict of mind and soul collided

Changed from day to day

I feel your breath now on my neck

The gentle touch of your lips to my cheek

Your hands upon my shoulders

It is as if there were no parting

All the years of separation and pain

Distant and fleeting

How can such anguish disappear in an instant

Just one moment and healing has occurred

Hearts engage in synergistic embrace

Released from the illusion of separation

With only a single touch of hearts

How are we separate and how are we one

It ebbs and flows like our breath

Life force draws us together

Time has been our nemesis

Yet when we reunite we are beyond time

It is only when we are distanced

That time consumes us with despair and longing

The truth of our connection overcomes me

And I question how any moment of separation was experienced

Speak to me in symbols

Send and receive rays of divine light

Touch the space between us

And it becomes nothing

We are together here

The passion engulfs me

The creative force of life wants expression

When your energy touches mine

Manifestations come forth

They are birthed without effort

An expression of our deep love

They are divine and perfect

They can be no other

They are our passion

Engtovo ~ May 11, 2004

Synergy of co-creation

Two powerful forces combine

This collision causes exponential increase

The work can grow beyond known boundaries

Two individual circles combine to become infinity

Creator splits a spark

Just so it can reunite as two working in harmony

More powerful than the original spark

It is true with all things

Unity of purpose increases its expression exponentially

We are on the precipice

The light of dawn is preceding the rising sun

The crest of infinity is reaching our horizon

We will be bathed in its brilliance

It will spill over unto all life

A choice made for personal joy

Enacting in its exponential consequence

A force of love for all life

Engtovo ~ May 12, 2004

Excitement of discovery awakens a new ember

Uncertainty took hold

Can the ember be trusted

Will it burn itself out as fast as it ignited

These embers

I have never understood how to tend to them

Or when they should be doused

I question myself when they ignite

My perceptions get cloudy

They take life of their own

I cannot control them

I am supposed to surrender to them

Allow them to lead me untempered

Attempting to prevent them has not worked

Trying to subdue them has not worked

Trying to hide them has not worked

Feeling they should not live in me

Have not accomplished anything positive

Why do they feel foreign to me

Who taught me to see them as wrong

How do I allow the embers to have a place in me

How do I live in harmony with their ignitions

How do I react when they go out

How do I cope when they refuse to go

When there is no expression for them

But they live inside

Ember do you have a life cycle

Predictable if allowed your full expression

Or are you the random chaos of heart

Am I doomed to be burned by you at any turn in the road

Should I be tending you

Keeping you alive

But allowing you to change focus

As the universe moves

And life changes with its movements

Speak to me

Show me the life that we share

Show me the dance in its perfected form

Teach me your ways

Set me free of my skewed perceptions of your role in me

Ignite in truth and understanding

And keep that alive forever burning bright in my soul

Allow that ember to be the leader of all others ignited

Come to peaceful union in me

Ember I integrate your fire

Engtovo ~ May 11, 2004

Two bears walk side by side

Mated eagles glide above

The wars have ended

The eagle dance progressed

And fear of the bear attack passed

The new script has been written and implemented

The dual spiral of balanced male and female is magnetically being brought into

Unity, harmony and synchronistic movement

The hearts are ready

They are free and open to the universal dance

It is more than physical

More than spiritual

Emotions, thoughts, intentions, energies

Intertwine so completely that two work as one

The boundaries are clear and respected

Within this divine commitment of Bear and Eagle medicine

The spirit within each fully spiraling within the other

The time has come where work done distant

Is ready to be done hand in hand

Hibernation over

The bear essence of each must leave the cave

To take flight in their dual journey

Circling

Gliding

Nesting

Looking over the scene from above

Each perspective unique

They see the same scene from a different angle

These two blended have a complete picture

Balance is achieved in blending

This balance brings a new level of peace to both

Bear & Eagle live comfortably within them both

As they share the male and female essence of each with one another

Engtovo ~ January 18, 2004

Why don’t you leave my mind

You sneak into my dreams not fully seen

But still acknowledged

I want to forget you

Your face

Your touch

My desire to feel your touch again

I feel you thinking of me

And I wonder what you are doing

I wish to see you again

But I know I cannot

There are not two people here but three

I know noting about the third

Except that she exists

She was first

If I had known

No touch would have happened

But I did not

And now that touch lingers in my heart and body

I feel your conflict

But I do not understand your situation

Your choices are your own

I know life is often more complicated than simple thoughts

My view cannot take into account all the facts of your life

And yet in my simplicity

I wonder

Why when one is unhappy do they stay

If you had made another choice

Perhaps you would have been single when we met

But you did not

And now we are both conflicted

In a sense you shared your inner torment with me

I know that was not your intent

You were simply lonely

You reached out to me

And I responded

Not understanding that your loneliness lived within a relationship

I have made other choices

When I was unhappy and married

I ended my marriage

I did not reach out to another man

And make things worse for all three of us

I imagine that she does not know of me

I imagine from what I do know of your marriage

Perhaps she would not even care

That you are lost to one another but feel leaving is not an option

But perhaps there is a chance to heal

To recapture what you may have once shared

That is the choice you have before you now

Do you see it

Please stop thinking about me

So I will stop feeling your energy to mine

I have shared with you my feelings

That I cannot participate in a relationship of three

Even though I think of you often and wonder

That is my own loneliness

I will not be ruled by it

I will not allow it to dictate my ethics or morals

My integrity

I will be loyal to my true self

That knows loneliness is no excuse

To come into a marriage

Once known

There was only one choice

And I made it as I had to

But that doesn’t mean I had to like it

And I don’t

I see your smile

A look in your eyes I remember

It has been such a long time since I saw that look in the eyes of a man

Looking at me

I resent having to walk away

Because you refused to deal with the relationship you were in

And reached out to me

Knowing you were not available

But leaving me ignorant

Damn you

Get out of my thought

Get out of my dreamtime

Heal your marriage or leave it and heal yourself

Neither choice affects me directly

As we are in the past now

But either choice would stop you from thinking about me

And that would stop the energy that drifts to me from you

Calling out to me

Like you reaching out and taking my arm for a hug

I am searching for a way to let go of something

That had no true closure

Because it was still nothing more than potential

I have never had a problem letting go of finished relationships

This is letting go of a relationship that never truly began

Why should this be so hard to set free

The what if

What if you had been single

Where would we be with this

It is a waste of time

Of energy

It hurts

I am asking the divine to guide me through this

To show me to the way to be in the truth of this moment

This knowing

There is no us

No potential us

We were but one moment in time

That is past

A tender moment

There is a gift we received from one another

Something we both needed

A healing

A wake up call perhaps

But it is done

Let me be done with it now

Is my self worth still so defeated that I fear

No other man will have that look in his eyes

When looking at me

Is that the thing that keeps you in my thought

If that is so

Then I need divine guidance at a much deeper level

How do I finally come to completion with that

To know that I will see that look again

In the eyes of a kind and loving man

Who is free to be with me

Tears well in my eyes

And the sigh is in my breath

This makes me weary

How could I still be that filled with self hatred

Or fear

Do I really believe that

Or is it just an old thought that I can simply discard now

I do believe I will see that look again and

Yet that belief frightens me

I am afraid to give it full force

Am I afraid of being disappointed

Or afraid of how simple a truth it is

Afraid of how easy it may be for a good man to see me that way

Simply by me allowing him to see me

Really see me

That I have seen that look seldom

Only because I have not allowed

These men into my life

To see my real heart

To feel my energy and love

I have kept them at a distance

Somehow you snuck past my defenses and found me

I am afraid no one else will sneak by

Or want to try

And that I will not allow my self to drop the defenses

So they will not have to find a way past them

Whether I drop the defenses or another sneaks past

Another will come

That is the truth

I have called out energetically

Someone will see the energy

Like you did

You showed me it can be done

But I must have the faith to put out into that energy

Some boundaries

And know there will still be someone to come

It cannot be a relationship of three

Only two

Where ever you are tonight know I have no regrets

I don’t think it serves you to wallow in guilt

About me or her

Make choices for yourself

Do not be victim or victimizer

I will not play the victim role here

You taught me about myself

And for that I am grateful

I simply choose not to repeat this scenario

The next man must be free for me

And there is a next man

I put you into the past with conviction

You must stay there

I pray for you to find peace

I wish you farewell

I say goodbye in energy now

We will not have the chance to talk about these things

I know that is a part of your energy coming to me

You feel incomplete in our communication

Know that it is done in spirit

There is no need to talk about these things

I understand your loneliness

I don’t need to know the rest of the story

Say farewell

Say goodbye in energy to me

Allow the gifts between us to be honored

By letting go

As I choose to do now

I place you on my hand

I turn my hand over and simply allow you to fall away

It is with love

I let go

Engtovo ~ October 15, 2003